Side note: interesting WordPress ‘bug’. So on the SecondLifeKid.com homepage, where it shows recent updates with a small excerpt…apparently that shows ‘draft’ entries, too, even when not logged in. It also re-does that every time you edit said draft, even after posting newer entries. Not cool. I had that entry marked as ‘draft’ still because it’s still not refined and ready for prime-time, especially given that that entry may well cost me almost every friend I have in SL on this avie. (If I’m going to be ‘excommunicated’ from anyone’s Friends list, I’d rather it be for what I DID mean rather than what I stated poorly and was subsequently misinterpreted.)
However, that post won’t be the only one I post lately that’s controversial. Tonight’s (hopefully short) musings were partially inspired by conversation at Aspen Nights tonight. Apparently I’m in the extreme minority to believe that it is grossly inappropriate for people to have ‘relationships’ with someone old enough to be that person’s parent or child. ‘Age is nothing but a number’ is nothing but bull, especially these days, when the maturity of your average 18-yo would’ve gotten a 12-yo 30 years ago smacked for being a spoiled-rotten brat. However, that age wouldn’t be considered, to me, speaks that I’m not even looking at the ‘issue’ from the same angle or through the same ‘lenses’ as most, darn near all, of my SL friends. For me, the ’starting point’ for anything is the cross around my digital and physical necks. I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT intend to sound ‘holier than thou,’ but some folks’ll read that out of me saying a blasted thing that might be taken as the least bit ‘critical’ of anyone, all the while that same person can be saying things that I find deeply offensive, but I’m supposed to remain silent. I’ve more or less completely ‘censored’ myself in SL since I created the Janet avatar, and yes I’m freaking getting sick of it, getting sick of the things I believe, (not me, I do understand,) being belittled by people who are otherwise so ‘open-minded’ and ‘tolerant’ to everything.
Anyway so where was I…*re-reads* Oh yeah. Necks. Right. Anyway. So what would dating, courting, whatever you wish to call it, mean in light of that? Well, to the Catholic, (and most ‘mainline’ Christians, as far as I can tell,) dating has one purpose: to discern whether that person is the one the Lord has called me to be united in Holy Matrimony with. (Naturally, if the person I am considering isn’t ‘valid matter’ for that Sacrament, and the Holy Father himself does not have the authority to change what constitutes ‘valid matter’ for any Sacrament, say the man is civilly divorced from what is a Sacramentally valid marriage, for example, then it’s already ‘game over.’ The Lord doesn’t work against Himself, of course.) And what’s the purpose of the Sacrament of Marriage? Not personal gratification, though our culture over the past 50 years has gone through great pains to convince us that such is the end-all and be-all of it. The primary purpose of marriage, as every pamphlet, book, or anything else on the matter prior to the mid-60s made explicit, is the procreating and raising of children. The ‘unitive’ {sp?} end is secondary, and quite distantly so. Now what of women like myself who can’t conceive? (Looooooong story, starts about 10 years ago, and would be way TMI for a blog that any robot can read.) (Or even if it’s the man who’s got the ‘issues;’ same principle applies, but I single out women because a critic would be hard-pressed to tell me I’m not ‘walking the talk’ when it’s myself I write of.) Obviously yes, the secondary end can still be met, but the couple must remain open to life should the Lord allow it. (Stranger things HAVE happened. =-p )
Also, the purpose of any Sacrament is ultimately to assist us, through the grace of God, mediated through Christ’s sacrifice of Himself on the cross, in the salvation of our souls. Who I marry and what I do before, during, and after (should I outlive my husband,) have ramifications not just in this life, but the next. Given that, I would hope even someone who disagrees passionately with everything I wrote above would still understand why I take the matter as seriously as I do. For the Catholic, there is no such thing as ‘a casual affair.’ (1 Corinthians would show St. Paul going to great pains to try and explain this to a city renowned throughout the ‘civilized’ world at that time for its loose sexual mores, most of which seem to have full acceptance and promotion in today’s world. Pro-tip: if it was wrong in 70AD, it’ll always be wrong; 1950 years haven’t changed a blinking thing. Men change, God does not.) My ex, the man I fully intended to marry, until he cheated on me, was easily one of the ugliest men in all of God’s creation, but I didn’t care. He seemed to have a strong relationship with Christ, and that’s the ‘deal-breaker;’ in Catholic marriage, which, to reiterate, dating is ‘merely’ a preparation for, the spouses are interested first and foremost in the sanctification of the other spouse and the children the Lord chooses to bless them with. It does not matter if the man is attractive or witty or ‘wise’ by the world’s standards; the important question is, ‘Will this man help or hinder my salvation?’ If the answer is the latter, Scripture makes no bones about it: run screaming in the other direction. Looks fade, QUICK, for the percentage of society who ever has them to begin with, and charm is deceptive (and, oftentimes, also fleeting.) But of the person who does fit that bill? There’ll probably be a whole heck of a lot of times I feel ‘unfulfilled’ in some way by that man, especially if he loves me enough to tell me the ‘hard things,’ be it ‘grow up’ or reminding me that I’m obligated to bring this or that sin into the Confessional. At those times, I’m probably going to hate his guts with every fiber of my being, and by the world’s standards, that’s when I should get the divorce lawyer on the phone, the instant I’m not ‘getting’ anything out of the marriage anymore. Bull.
But if I don’t date with all of the above in mind? Then sure, get with some guy old enough to be my dad; if it’s a cheap thrill and makes me ‘feel’ good why not? Feel free to smack me should I ever act that self-centered re: relationships with people. Go ahead, those who are critical of this. Hold me accountable to my own words. I’m not afraid. I expect no standard out of another human being that I have not first vigorously applied to myself. I’ve no patience for hypocrites and I will not become one, though I feel I’ve come close by my silence these past months on issues I claim to care greatly about. And far be it from this entry implying that I don’t sin myself, along with the rest of humanity. Confession and evaluating myself to see if I am worthy to partake in the Eucharist force me to be honest with myself every week of my life.
*At this point, the typist takes her hands off of the keyboard and sighs. Currently listening to Tobi DJ, and admittedly barely paying attention to genchat. She is also contemplating whether she will even be ‘welcome’ by this time next week, depending on the reception this blog entry and the other one she has drafted receive.*
Christ states in the Gospels that He came not to bring peace, but a sword. The Gospel reading for Mass today (Friday) is the one where Christ casts the money changers out of the temple with a makeshift whip. (Both of the above are passages that I keep on the forefront of my memory for dealing with ‘Jesus was a pacifist!’ hippies.) If finally breaking my silent ‘truce’ on matters proves a sword that ‘cuts me off’ from my SL friends, then so be it. I have always preferred to be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not. St. Thomas Moore held his tongue regarding the King’s illegitimate second ‘marriage’ until he was literally backed into a corner by the oath English citizens were required to swear. I am not yet in that desperate of a situation, but for a while now, my conscience has been quite disquieted. I’ve felt like I was not so much lying as not telling the full truth of what I believe. I am a Catholic, I have been seriously so since I was 16, and I will, by God’s grace, die one, in full communion with the Church. One of my fears, though, is that, either by my actions or inactions, the people I care about, on and offline, won’t be there with me. Indeed, with the online friends, Heaven may be the only time I see a single one of them face-to-face without a webcam being involved. So yes, it scares the Hell out of me, literally, to see anyone I care about choosing Hell by their actions. (More on why I phrase that statement in that way in the aforementioned drafted-and-almost-done entry.) And yes, I’m also scared of rebukes, hatred, any kind of negativity I may receive from my friends on account of this entry or the one I intend to follow it. That is something new to me. Before I even had friends, offline or otherwise, I didn’t care who I alienated with my statements. Indeed, in my teen years, I was self-righteous enough to relish in persecution, be it from my family or the other kids in youth group who were there as a mere social activity. Not so much now. Yeah I’m scared. But still…no reaction will befall me that God didn’t foresee from before He created a single atom. I just pray I have the spine to stand by my words, come what may.
Disallowing comments on this entry so that, if someone has an issue that they want to vent at me, they have to talk to me personally, in-world or on Skype or Twitter or whatever, rather than just leave an anonymous comment on this blog. I’m not being a coward for once, and I would appreciate readers not acting as cowards themselves.